We’ve had to put up with an utter ton of bullshit from McLaren in recent years, from the evocative reunion with both Honda and Alonso to promises of podiums, whining about engines and yet also bragging about chassis’ whilst never quite learning how to underpromise and overdeliver anything except grid penalties.

But this year is different, this year they have the third of four best engines in F1 - they have no excuse, nowhere to hide - and it seems after testing, no chance.

The bravest thing McLaren have done in recent years isn’t ditching Honda for Renault but releasing a documentary shitting on honda over the winter and then coming to Barcelona with such a comedy or errors and failures whilst Toro Rosso hammers in the laps again and again and again with that quote awful Honda in the back.

The documentary, which mainly consisted of awkward meetings where people were scared to say anything because there was a camera crew in the room or the charming B-Plot of trying to get Stoffel Vandoorne, a human shell with his charisma entirely removed to save weight, fit enough to drive a car that wouldn’t go. He’d have been better off eating cheeseburgers and getting a small tray installed on the car to eat whilst stuck in the gravel.

The documentary showed not only McLaren’s frustrations with Honda but also their heavy leaning on their own history and basic belief that they are great and if it wasn’t for this pesky engine then we’d be world champions again, honest.

“But the undercooked dauphinoise doesn’t really get noticed because the chef let his Alsatian do a shit on top of it.”

Except testing has shown that they won’t be. This is a team that has gotten flabby and soft since their heyday. Day one of testing and a wheel nut falls off, then their new engine overheats (whilst doing fine in the Red Bull and Renault) then they have to cut holes in the car because its burning the metal, a hydraulic leak and who knows what else causing stoppages and none of this quite rings true to the image of the squeaky clean McLaren branded perfection.

When it goes the car looks good, but it’s not going much - all of these problems can be fixed, but they’re problems that shouldn’t have been there and clearly this sloppiness have been masked by honda. As if the McLaren team is a gourmet meal with some minor niggles, but the undercooked dauphinoise doesn’t really get noticed because the chef let his Alsatian do a shit on top of it.

For the fourth year running I hope McLaren will do better than testing implies, but like Williams, I’m ceasing to truly believe it ever will.

Don't worry, I have a solution

I actually don’t, if this year is rubbish then they’ll lose alonso and the exodus of engineers will accelerate until they are a truly midfield team with no chance of being at the top of their game. Ron Dennis was right, they need to be a works team, but with Honda it never worked

So my solution is this - McLaren, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please be less shit. Thanks!